Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Dedicating this special day to an angel
Someone taught me what chastity was
many years ago when I was but a small girl
And that was you who cared for me and taught.
No one knew what chastity meant,
Enough to teach me purity and
how to go about it because the world was as such.
What love is,
The secular decided what love isn't which is not
- to make a commitment...
but rather to have that feeling of love than
-to sacrifice for each other.
If so, how do we go about life trying
-to be joyful in every ups and downs.
My dear angel, please read what is in purple =) To the rest of the readers, please read it in purple and blue
-Yours truly ;
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Lies
We live in a world of lies.
Everything around us is a lie.
Even promises are lies.
Maybe only 1 promise remains true...
By a man who remained faithful,
All his life until death.
I just want to sleep forever...
never wake up to a world of lies.
Happy Feast of Transfiguration
-Yours truly ;
Thursday, August 05, 2010
Where koalas (my favourite little animals) spend 18hrs sleeping, and 6 hrs awake, eating and thinking)
Humans like me spend 18 hrs awake, busy with studies, and 6 hrs sleeping and dreaming.
I actually had a Godly inspiration in that 6hrs of sleeping...
"Watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Your words become your actions; your actions become your habits; your habits become your character. Your character becomes your destiny."
Often, I'll go to the hospital nearby my place to have mass on Sundays. Sunday masses are speed masses here down under. I've never had Sunday masses in 30-45mins before. At the very least, back in hometown Singapore, masses on Sundays are 1 hr. Hence, speed masses were weird at the beginning for me. Then again, they are effective. The priests here give a max of 8 mins homily (following Vatican II constitution apparently), but boy do I learn something each week. And this week was the sentence above.
And again on Facebook (the jewel of mass comm) made me skim past a Macedonian friend writing this on her wall. I pondered over this for many days before sleeping.
What exactly is a person's destiny then????
What is MY destiny??
Oxford dictionary says that destiny is "the events that will necessarily happen to a particular person or thing in the future".
God has a plan for every one of us. But can you imagine that he actually gives us free will, and the ability to choose our thoughts, actions and deeds? Logically, God can actually manipulate us like the Sims game. Contrary to that, however, is that he has a plan, but we have a choice. At the end of the day, we may or may not end up where God would love for us to be. But, when our heart is in the right place and willing to follow God at any point in our journey, we will ultimately end up where God had initially intended for us to be.
Think Moses and Egypt.
Voila.
-Yours truly ;
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Sunrise and Sunset
I find myself enjoying my walk along the fortress surrounding the campus and just soaking into the sunsets. Everyday brings new surprises. Sun rises when I'm still in bed (at 5.30am?) and sun sets around 4.45pm. It is then, that a myraid of colours bursts into the horizon, and mellows down to softer hues with splendour . The clouds sometimes appear like little white cotton wools hanging in the sky. And the silver lining around the clouds can occasionally be seen. Sometimes though, the sky can be so cloudless. Somewhere in the far distance, the incessant clucking and chirping of all kinds of birds (the troop of 3 grey and 2 white turkeys are my fav) fills the silence in the air. And the cool breeze just weaves its way through the wooden platforms and stony paths.
Creations of God.
I love it.
Memories bring me back to younger days. I wish I can climb again. The feeling of huffing and puffing one's way up to finally watch a sunrise or a sunset at the top of the mountains, is the most satisfying feeling one can ever get. It's like knowing that there is a reward at the end of the pain. I really miss the muscle ache, the rocks, the snow, and that "on top of the world" feeling.
Who wants to climb a volcano or a mountain this coming hols in Dec?? =D
-Yours truly ;
Sunday, July 04, 2010
It's been a long long time since I last wrote.
Perhaps it's because I been in a "C'est la vie" mood...and do not find anything interesting to say, that I've stopped for a while to just be by myself in isolation.
It is now also, that I write about how I feel, and what my challenges have been.
Long distance relationships are huge and they are painful sometimes. If anyone ever told you that it is not a problem, they must be :
a) Single
b) Married but divorced and then remarried
c) Lying to themselves and to others
These few days bring me back to a little girl, when I used to throw tantrums and cry at my "auntie"'s bedside, wailing and crying and whining for one whole night until she answered me, or I fell into a stupor of drowsiness and fall asleep on the floor beside her bed. The difference is, I'm a grown girl now, and thowing bigger tantrums.
Insensitivity and feigned ignorance, specked with crude and coarse words from the OTHER person only serves to provide me more anger, frustration and hate.
Does anyone know why long distance relationships usually end up in shatters, bits and pieces???
There are many stages to it.
Stage 1: Feeling a sense of loss
Stage 2: Misunderstandings
Stage 3: Lack and loss in communication (TV shows/studying become more important than the person on the other line) leads to
Stage 4: Catfights
Stage 5: Distancing
Stage 6: Increasing loss of openness
Stage 7: Unforgiveness
Stage 8: Unfamiliarity of each other (The end)
From 2 become one, one becomes 2, forming 2 isolated strangers who THINK they are working towards each other's "good", to not realizing that what they are actually doing is only "good" for THEMselves aka selfishness and self-centredness.
It's like being in love with the notion of love, than really being in love.
Sometimes, it's true when people say:
Out of sight, out of mind, out of context = Out of one's life.
But it depends on how much effort one is willing to put in.
2 years ago, at the conference of Theology of the Body, Christopher West whispered to me that I should open myself to be loved by the man that God has chosen for me. In all earnesty, that is the HARDEST thing I, much less any woman can ever do. Who is so stupid to leave oneself vulnerable? Can you imagine if this receiver of your vulnerability happened to be a wolf in sheepskin? It's frightening, it's scary, it's unimaginable. So the first step is to find out who in the world God has chosen for me. I'm still on my mission to do so.
Pondering about Love - Visitor's Poem
by Jenara
(Riyadh, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia)
Love is more than just a word
More than something felt or something heard
More than what you see or what you give
Or sometimes the urge for you to live
It has a teary end, and a confusing start
Some say it can only be expressed by heart
Though sometimes, you can never really tell
Love is like heaven but hurts like hell
There are ups, there are downs
There are smiles, there are frowns
It's like a rope with so many twists
Charm bracelets on the lovers' wrists
Even so, we also get tired of that word
Everytime it's said, everytime it's heard
Always, "Love is..." or "Love is like..."
It hurts our heart within a strike
Yes, it has that impact
On the other hand there is a fact
We get tired of hearing 'love', that's true
But we never hesitate to hear the words "I love you"
-Yours truly ;
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I can't stand how some people try to put their hands in and help when they never considered how one felt about receiving help or even ASKED if their help is needed, so that I can have an opportunity to say, "Thanks but no, thanks. I really would like to be alone if you do not mind?"
Particularly someone who thinks she knows me so well and did a character analysis on me the first time he/she met me. And tried to come into my personal space and caused more trouble because of the inexperience of handling problems and the lack of tactfulness and thoughfulness for my feelings. This particular person has trouble mentally as well, not in the clinical sense, but in a psychological sense. That is because this person never knew anything about me, but did an overview of problem solving based on unreliable 3rd person's point of view. I should have taken it as a cue and stayed away as far as possible if I had known that it was only going to create more problems.
More so, when this person doesn't know me AT ALL because we only met 4 brief times, and she thinks she knows all that is going on, and she thinks she is God and can make an overnight change. It is worse when she thinks she knows all my weaknesses, and starts to blabber about it tactlessly to everyone around her with just 4 times of meeting! Even though she is a fellow country mate, I think it actually makes me feel worse when such a person exists in my life.
I start to resent such a person who barged into my life trying to change the people around me and to change me. And trying to solve people's problems as if it is so easy like ABC.
But I pray that I will forgive and let go cuz God is love and everyone is equal in His eyes.
-Yours truly ;
Saturday, March 06, 2010
It's been a long looong long time since I last wrote...
Autumn has arrived with its first bite of frost with showers of rain. Brissy is quiet and nice, with lots or nothing to do, depending on what entices one.
I smoked out Singaporeans today on campus. All Asians look alike, until they start to open their mouth. Singlish. Of course can tell lah.
It's nice to know that there are fellow mates around, but also very strange hearing the ang moh slang when anyone can obviously tell that they are telling to hide the singlish "lah", "lor", "leh" with the inaudible O-Zee drawl =)
Anyhow, quote of the day on EWTN actually made me immensely happy.
"The wicked exist in this world either to be converted or that through them, the good may exercise patience" - St. Augustine.
Why it made me happy is because at least I won't be annoyed with countless scoundrels out there and because I know that they have a purpose here on Earth:
1) To find God.
2) To be converted.
3) To be the way they are so that people can be saints.
This means that when there is a fight between good and evil, there is excitement and life. Since that is the case, this also means that there absolutely no grounds for us to do evil, or slack or to close one eye while letting the hand do some dirty work.
Love is the answer to change though.
"...Faith, hope and love and the greatest of them all is love"
Now, can anyone tell me what is love? =)
-Yours truly ;
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Welcome to Aussie!!!
"How ya mite? How ya doing???"
How often I hear this when I landed here. Back to school for me after a break and it seems strange to hold a pen and mug once again. Yet, it is exhilarating because of what is in store for me.
Stupid as it sounds, I'm wondering about what my brain will think when I'm cutting up a cadaver (nicer word of saying dead person) to practice my surgical skills. I believe I'll be praying very very hard for souls, more than I ever did in the past. The profs said that doctors have the license to kill. True or...?? Somehow, I like thinking on the contrary, that God gives the anointing for the license to give life too.
As busy as a bee, my lifestyle is to have lectures, labs and clinicals from 8am-5pm non-stop with no break, I seem to be living a very disciplined lifestyle here cuz no one seems to go out after 7pm when night falls. Streets outside are empty and I reckon everybody hurries home to sleep and to rest or laze.
School aside, I think my culinary skills have improved in leaps and bounds with new dishes like Vietnamese pho noodles and Indonesian mee soto coming up in my menu. I never knew I could cook those. But well, the human survival instinct said I did!!! Yay!!!
-Yours truly ;
Monday, May 04, 2009
Sometimes, life is so unpredictable.
Where he never used to smoke or drink, now he does, in order to escape from reality.
She never was so cheerless in her life, but now she is, because she cannot let go.
Where he never used to be so careless with his money, he now splurges on her until he has nothing left for himself, and he says that it is because he loves her.
She never used to be so worried, but now she is because of cancer...
He never was so distant, but he became distant until we are almost like strangers, all because of circumstances...
She never kept to herself so much, but now she does, because of family problems...
Random people in my life.
I feel a tinge of sadness...maybe because I feel that I cannot do much, and things are beyond my control.
In just a few days, I'm going to fly away...far away from the tiny red dot.
Vienna..
Czech Republic
Hungary
Poland
Greece
Finally Macedonia...where I'll settle down.
I'm excited, but I'm scared...a bit. Maybe cuz of H1N1? Well, I stocked up on tamiflu. Hmm, maybe mostly because I don't know anyone, and I'll be alone. Perhaps it is a journey of adventure.
True to my name, Pauline of St. Paul. I go wherever He calls..like the wind, I will just follow.
-Yours truly ;
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Read this peepz!
"Internet-Age innovator Google is taking advantage of an old-time principle to thwart wildfires: Google has brought in about 200 of the grazers to munch fields around its campus in the Northern California city of Mountain View.And here’s the response from Niki Fenwick, a Google representative:
Google takes the wellness of our employees very seriously and we pride ourselves on having a responsive and adaptable culture. The lawn-mowing goats are not, of course, full-time Google employees - but we would certainly respond directly to any concerns about their treatment. I can confirm that during their time in Mountain View, like other Google employees, each goat is entitled to a free organic lunch.
The grazers are from "California Grazing":
"We currently have 800 environmentally friendly, self-propelled weed eaters for weed control and brush control, that are ready for your project," California Grazing says on its website.
And guess what is Google's response?
"They spend roughly a week with us at Google, eating the grass and fertilizing at the same time," Hoffman wrote. "It costs us about the same as mowing, and goats are a lot cuter to watch than lawn mowers."
They're really not "kid-ding" man...hahahaha! GOATS! Mehhhhh...
-Yours truly ;
Dedicating this special day to an angel
Poland
Greece
I'm excited, but I'm scared...a bit. Maybe cuz of H1N1? Well, I stocked up on tamiflu. Hmm, maybe mostly because I don't know anyone, and I'll be alone. Perhaps it is a journey of adventure.