With the Holy Spirit

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Unconditional love

...

That is what's been missing. Sometimes, we humans are selfish people. When we give something, we want something back in return. And when we show actions of love, we want people to reciprocate. Perhaps it's a weakness that we all have, that needs some correction. But the true meaning of unconditional love seems so simple yet profound, and the meaning of it is like a needle in a haystack.

Maybe it's the expectations that I have that pulls me down all the time. Sometimes, I wish that'd be someone there to save me from the darkness. Ironic as it is, there's always someone there...even in the spiritual realm, but everything still seems so bleak. The memories keep running back at me and haunting me, taunting me that history repeats itself. And in this, the hope slips further and distance widens. The wider the distance, the greater the pain, the stronger the feelings-intensified by things that happen. Words seem only like words. Promises just mere passing words. Wanting only to escape and break away. I guess I have to learn the hard way. And I shouldn't have expectations because it hurts.

Funny how is it that I feel loved yet not loved (-.-)

Mulled over the story of the Mother and the child. The mother and child were in the car when the car swerved and just ahead, the lorry was coming right at the car-threatening to smash the car. At that instant, the mother knew that it was going to be the end for both her and the child. Crying out loud, she said, "No!!! GOD!!! Not my child!!!!!" Time stood still. The lorry came right at the car, but stopped just before the car and both Mother and child escaped unhurt. Later that night, the child asked, "Mummy mummy...why is it that you asked God to save my life but not yours? Yours is precious too!"
Moral of the story? The mother knew that if there is one life that God can save in that accident, she would rather die and let her child live. "Take me away," she said, "but let my child live."

Take the Mother away and put a stranger there instead with the child. Will the stranger say the same words there and then?

...
Abba, teach me to love like how Jesus loved His people when He was a human just like me. His love - unconditional.

-Yours truly ;

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Came home not long ago with my mum driving dangerously on the roads in a bid to ease her mind that I won't get molested or raped by taxi drivers.

Today was great!!!!! Oh my gosh lah. I got myself acquainted to the small dainty arab streets that I've long forgotten about until recently when my friends brought me there to have dinner and supper. Yesterday saw us having prata, mutarbak and chicken wings after Martin's session at Our Lady of Lourdes where the talk he gave on intercessory and spiritual warfare helped me tremendously in getting myself ready for tomorrow's intercessory and ministering at Immaculate Heart of Mary for a retreat. Man! The mutarbak was goood!!! But I think the one at "Zam Zam" nearby Our Lady of Lourdes is the best.

After all the shopping, my jie meis and I went to "Ice Monster" place just nearby Bugis street to have the mixed fruits ice and the mango sorbet ice. It was sooo good!!! The mangoes were so darn deliciously sweet and better still, it was a sinless healthy afternoon tea that we had. After which, we headed to Pahang Street, just beside Arab Street to settle in for Middle-east cruisine at Amirah's Grill. But that was not before we went on a 'tour' around Kampong Glam to relive our oriental memories of traditional knick knacks that they sell to the tourists. The things there were so unique and cute!!!

And food at Amirah's Grill was oh-so-delicious. We were in first heaven at "Ice Monster". Middle-east, caribbean-styled cruisine only brought us to second heaven. My first time eating that and one of the best foods my taste buds ever laid on. It beats eating at Jack's Place or Pasta Mania I tell ya. And! It's worth the price. In fact, so economical that it's hardly believable. Plus! The ambience was so oriental and so cool!!! Yes I'm gushing at the restaurant...I just cannot help it 'cuz it's really THAT good. And I saw a man smoking "sei shua". I never knew what the heck that was till my mind came to the realisation of traditional roots. "Sei shua" is how you pronouce the actual word. Forgive me for I know not how to spell it. It's a traditional way of smoking where they use this gigantic thing that looks like the traditional lamp and people smoke through it using some liquid substance and tobacco using a long pipe that connects to it. It was so interesting!

Hmm. Well, aside from food, I had a really good time with my friends during prayer sessions yesterday at Our Lady of Lourdes and at Eugene's. Not only was I enriched and nourished by them through the Word of God, I realised that there's so much more for me to learn and I'm enjoying and rejoicing every baby step I'm taking in growing my faith. Yes there are challenges and tough roads where the rocks I trample on seem so hard and painful on my feet, but even so, I still want to go on - praying that the crosses that I have to bear will not seem so heavy as it really is by the grace and mercy of God.

And true enough, the days leading on to tomorrow's big day took a toll on me when I was faced with challenges that put my heart to test, and patience that nearly gave way if not for the help of the Christian community, and especially for Phae who accompanied and talked me through last night till 3.30a.m. Sorry girl...and thank you so much!

I pray that tomorrow's session will be a day to remember for all the participants for the NTU retreat at Immaculate Heart of Mary. The greatness of God abounds and only He alone can make what seems impossible, possible. For God will make a way when it seems that there is no way.

-Yours truly ;