Tuesday, February 28, 2006
I can't stand it. I feel so stifled here at home. And the pimples that are starting to pop out like sprouting mushrooms are already evidence of stress. I'm dying of anxiety =(
Maybe that's why I've been 'binge-ing' the last couple of days.
Friday - Fish baked rice and 6 scoops of ice-cream between Terri and I for lunch. So darn appropriate. The ice-cream came just after we knew that we were going to receive our results.
Saturday - MacDonalds for brunch 'cuz the girls wanted to eat that after guides and in the afternoon, the sinful muddy mud pie from Coffee Club for high tea with Feli before going on a shopping spree. ( really yummy!!! Eh, but it was made up of delicious cuppucino ice cream, sinful chocoloate ice cream, a generous lot of cocoa powder and chewy brownie base) Went for Youth Mass at OLPS in the evening and for dinner, we had really good, sumptious Hainanese chicken rice which is located just around the corner of my house.
Sunday - My mum just HAD to buy nasi lemak! And dinner was good food cooked by popo..and cake with tons of cream on Tweety Bird cuz it was baby kuzzin, Nicole's birthday.
Monday - Kel and I had cheese fries 'cuz we were starving while waiting for 2 hours for 30% off pasta mania. So hungry! I was spared from eating the burger 'cuz he walloped it all. Thank goodness. That monster can afford to put on more weight and fats. Haha. Eh, you really should be my dumping bin eh? Hee...sorry dear. And after that, we had pasta with bacon, parmesan and cream. Oh my goodness.
That's it. I'm growing FAT! I'm serious. I never thought this way before till now. The way I'm eating, I'm going to balloon in no time. This reminds me of the movie "Supersize me" that Miss Too showed us in class. That nut ate MacDonalds for 1 month (or was it more?). Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Crazy guy. Bleah. Surprisingly though, I just checked my weight and I realised that I went down. I'm normal. I think. Or maybe my muscles turned into fats. Uh oh.
Anyway, I decided to go running with Jimmy later in the evening. [Jac, you pang seh me again =( ] I NEED to run and I can't wait to run. I just want to get my mind off tomorrow and running a marathon's just the thing.
At St. Stephens' today, I spent my morning in the chapel and I felt so much better. But after that, the anxiety bugged me again. Even so, I know that there are many feeling the way I do. Maybe even worse.
My neighbour Aunty Kean Lay, left me with these words, and I leave it with those who are as 'kan chiong' as I am and reading this,
"...He is able to accomplish infinitely, more than we would ever dare to ask or hope." =Ephesians 3;20
Remembering what my mentor-friends Paul and Sury left me when they prayed for me,
"I alone know the plans I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster, plans to bring about the future you hope for"
=Jeremiah 20:11
~Trust in Him~
All the best to everyone receiving A-levels results tomorrow!
-Yours truly ;
Thursday, February 23, 2006
I've the itching urge to shave Toffee botak. After my mum spent 19 bucks on a pair of scissors and, to top it up, the whole afternoon to snip off his locks on Saturday, he turned out to look like some alien from outer space. I really HAVE to shave him. Yeah, and of course, at my expense *sigh* Hmm..wonder if there's such a thing as braces for dogs (as in the braces that humans have in their teeth? It's the same one.) Seriously think that Toffee needs one badly.
As the days slowly creep by, I'm hearing more and more of the same old question, "Do you know when results are coming out?" Oh geez. It's like the blind asking the blind. Seriously. All that there is, are speculations. The hush of media and chatter of people only lead to anticipation and anxiety. Better yet, I'm hearing the question under my roof 24/7 from my mum, dad and brothers, even outside when I meet my friends and also in my handphone when I have people messaging me the question. Now when will it ever end? Haiz.
Wonder what is it about my affinity with St. Pat guys too? My driving instructor turned out to be an ex. St. Pat and for 2 days straight, I've been at his mercy, especially after he found out that I used to be a student across the bridge, and soon enough, a teacher there. Sadistic instructor. Aside from this, driving has never been so fun. I'm starting to like the feel of driving and the "vrooom" sound of the engine. Really ought to thank my Dad for putting me through this. My dad was the enthu one, signing me up for driving without my consent instead of the other way round. Funny. Yeah, my Dad's so different from other Dads. Yes Jac, you keep telling me that my daddy's more hip than me. Maybe...MAYBE you're right...Haha
And over the years, I got to know guys who used to be from St. Pat's too, and they turned out to be refined gentlemen. I really ought to swallow back what I said about St. Pat's guys during my 4 years in KC. No biasness here. Ok, maybe a little since I teach as St. Stephen's. Hee. Well, I do agree with my colleagues (most of whom are parents) though, that Brother has done a good job in nurturing boys to men of substance. Street-wise, sensitive, risk-taking...these are only just some of the many qualities =)
I was looking through the webbie when I came across these pictures. They're so beautiful...
Baby angel in fascination
"I feel so tall...hmm."
All God's children are precious in His sight
-Yours truly ;
Sunday, February 19, 2006
I'm tired. Physically. That's weird, considering that I slept my whole afternoon away after I reached home. And! I slept during the 42 minutes train ride. Maybe it's the indigestion that's making me feel so. Bleah.
Today afternoon was fun!!!! It was my first time in St. Francis of Assisi church. I didn't realise that I was being "made used" of till Clement and I met up to discuss HIS lesson plan on Thursday. Horrible girl. Somehow though, I really have to thank him for giving me the opportunity to teach the kids, all of them sec 3. Teaching these older kids is definitely not like teaching primary school kids. The younger ones allow you to be sadistic a little. But somehow, the cat can really get my tongue.
After lesson,
Boy, "Teacher teacher!!! Miss Elaine!!! I drew something for you. See??"
Thrusting the piece of paper into my hands, he proudly shows off the robot picture that he drew. I suspect it's Pokemon.
Was thinking, "Ahh...right. So you were drawing when I was teaching. Hmm."
On the other hand, "Eh, but he's really sweet leh. Haiz..."
And when I went," Wa...so nice!!! You really drew it yourself? Thank you so much!"
His face just broke into a smile and made me melt. Darn.
Before I started teaching, to tell you honestly, my heart was thumping like crazy. I was so nervous! Geez. But strangely, 5 minutes before I started, I felt nothing =)
Don't know how my lesson went for the kids but I really do hope that despite all the fun in the role-play, they learnt something.
Learning to live the visions and values of Jesus. That was the theme. Praise to you Father for helping me to deliver.
Sometimes the future scares me. I haven't any idea of what will happen. At the same time, I wish I knew. But that would just spoil the fun of it, will it not? Sometimes we wish that we knew what would happen- things that we would like to see but we can't- like tomorrow. Too bad we can't crack tomorrow open, to see if it's the way we would like it. Someone once said, "Meddling with tomorrow before its time, like opening a partly cooked egg, would spoil both today and tomorrow."
Though I know not what awaits me,
What the future has in store,
Yet I know the Lord is faithful,
For I've proved Him oft before
...
P.S.The gift you gave me, I cannot accept. Instead, I offered it to Mother Mary to pray for you, me and everyone else. Keeping you in my prayers. Thank you...
-Yours truly ;
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
It's 34 minutes past the day of the year...hmm, Valentine's Day. How Valentine's Day came about, intrigued me. It was said that St. Valentine was a priest in Rome, possibly a Bishop. And he was a physician. Imprisoned for giving aid to martyrs in prison, he converted the jailer by restoring sight to the jailer's daughter. There were two others who had the name Valentine and were martyrs on the same day - 14th Feb. But even though these two, Valentine of Terni and Valentine of Rome sometimes have separate entries in martyrologies and biographies, most scholars believe they are the same person. Also said that it is halfway during the second month, that birds begin to pair. Hmm..interesting huh?? =D
Had a great day for Valentines. Morning was spent with my boys at St. Stephens. I'm coming to love the kids more and more as each week passes by, a good 360 degrees turn of wanting to vomit blood every time they make my blood boil. Sometimes I wonder what it is like having a soccer team (mind you, all guys in that team) under my roof when I become a mother sometime in the future. Hmm... I predict that I'll die early of heart attack, leaving my darling husband alone with the kids and that'll let him know how tough it is. Ahh.
I think all guys should learn to be house husbands at some point of their lives. Now see how most husbands are so dependable on their wives? Bleah.
And evening was great...(^-^)
Flowers, cotton candies and proclaimations of I love yous...
No I didn't receive them all.
But I got something better...something that cannot be seen or touched...something that cannot be bought...something that reaches far beyond and sustains, nurtures and grows day by day =)
Leaving a passage behind that was meant to be...
Love is patient and kind;
it is not jealous or conceited or proud;
love is not ill-mannered or selfish or irritable;
love does not keep a record of wrongs;
love is not happy with evil but is happy with the truth.
Love never gives up;
and its faith, hope, and patience never fail.
Love is eternal.
=1 Corinthians;13=
...
How common this paragraph of the bible is. Anyone can quote this verse like no one's business. Therein lies the hard part...for actions speak louder than words just as how prayers and meditation work hand in hand with everything that goes on in our everyday lives.
To my family, my best friends, good buddies,
and specially to mon cheri...
Jesus wuffs you...and I wuff you too...(^-^)
-Yours truly ;
Friday, February 10, 2006
Looking out of my window,
see the raindrops fall... 
Twirling clouds and endless falls..
wonder,
whether it was worthwhile at all
The memories cloud my mind,
stop-
sigh
wonder if it was worth a dime I guess it's just me...
No sound...
No nothing.
don't know what to do...
clueless
I'm not really having a good time. Don't feel very good. And this always happens once a month. One of the many symptoms together with physical discomfort that drowns me in a bad mood that can last one whole morning. The ultra sensitive-ness, irratability and mood swings can really eat me, and it doesn't get better until I isolate myself..just leaving me alone with Him.
-Yours truly ;
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
I'm sorry people...
Had to change my blog add again 'cuz I'm getting funny tags from people whom I do not know and this is getting on me...
-Yours truly ;
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Today was great!!! I haven't really any idea why, but today was so wonderful! I'm feeling so happy (^-^) Woke up today to a message that just made my heart melt. Wonder why is it that the Lord my Father can do so many wonders - work so many miracles and be the love of my life.
"Happy that I have Him in caffe latte...3 in 1. Amen =) "
Thank you mon cheri..
Je 'taime
(^-^)
This afternoon, I went for Amplify meeting. I was so surprised and elated to see Joan, Shelly and Rachel there. During the meeting, it suddenly just made me wonder why is it that someone can be so near yet so far. It tugged my heartstrings, but still, I know that things will turn out fine in the end =)
When Martin said that 'someone' is looking for direction and doesn't know which course to choose. I knew then, in my heart of mine, that that 'someone' was me. Praise the Lord...I know I have to believe and trust in Him. This is just so cool!!!
Evening was spent with my family having just a simple dinner to celebrate my mum's birthday. I came home smelling food that my Daddy made while my mum was oblivious to the clanking going on downstairs as she cooped herself in her room studying. Daddy's cooking was a little bit out of sorts, but that's above average, considering that he has never touched a wok for a year to date. And cooking for my mum was something special. You know, they always say that to a man's heart is through his stomach, hmm..actually, I'd rather give that a twist and say that to a woman's heart and toes is through her stomach simply 'cuz that's when they just melt into jelly. I'll leave my mum to be the victim of my dad. Hee..
-Yours truly ;
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
I just came back from running. I've never gone running for so long already. Was suppose to go running with Jac in the morning at 7 but both of us couldn't wake. Looked out of my window at 2p.m and saw how great the weather was. Sunny..but windy. Perfect.
Earlier in the morning, I was having a headache. I was looking at the courses that NUS and NTU had to offer. Medicine, Dentistry, Pharmacy, Psychology, Biomedical Engineering, Computational Biology, Biological Chemistry...I know I have to choose my course soon. Unlike choosing schools after PSLE and 'O' levels, this is much much worse 'cuz I'm choosing something that might most likely determine my future. The unexpected-ness of everything scared me. The sudden nervousness first came when Jimmy and I met up and he was rattling on and on about medicine in the Australian Unis and telling me when the results will be released. Dear boy, I was in jitters. Thankfully I'm more sane now. Thanks to my cousins Eric and Melvin as well as to silly Kel for reassuring me and praying for me.
Talked to Esther this morning when she messaged me last night to tell me that she got accepted into University of Sydney and will be leaving soon in mid Feb. I was so happy for her. To get a place in uni and guaranteed a place based on predicted grades is not easy. When we talked, I realised then that I felt so lost. No sense of direction. Not in, not out. Almost everybody's thinking of going overseas and have even applied for it already. Jimmy, Eeleen, Jac, Terri...among the many that I know. Wondered whether I was dumb enough not to submit my predicted grades to guarantee a place in one of the elite Australian Unis =( At the same time, I was thinking a lot about the financial burden that will be on my parents' shoulders and that was what stopped me. Most of all, I thought about the people that I had to leave behind. I guess that is always in everybody's mind. Even when I talked to Esther, she wasn't really ecstatic and happy that she was leaving -bittersweet.
As I ran, I had a lot going through my mind. I wasn't only pushed physically 'cuz my legs were aching like mad from many many weeks of laziness, but also mentally. If I really want to study what I've always wanted to and if I am given the opportunity to, but at the same time, I have to leave behind all my loved ones...what would I do? The answer's so simple. Yet, I was being pulled back. What if I had to leave someone special behind?
The answer was already there...
If it is meant to be, it'll always be there for you no matter what happens.
For this. I have Father Aloy to thank...
" To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see."
=Hebrews 11=
Then only did the gentle whisper that came to me when I was at the playground tell me...
"Do not be afraid.."
Greater things He has in store for me, come what may, this I must believe. Thank u dear...(^-^)
-Yours truly ;
