Sunday, January 29, 2006
It's Chinese New Year!!!! Happy Happy Chinese New Year to everybody!!! Yesterday was mad, or rather, this morning was crazy. Chinatown was SOO crowded with people rubbing shoulders and squeezing each other. Part of the me wondered whether people go there just to experience the ambience and enjoy being suffocated or to see things so that they can get stuffs when you hear stallholders saying, "Quick buy!!!! Quuick!!! Cheep cheep cheeeep!!!!". Haiz. I went there 'cuz it was a tradition for my family (or rather, just my daddy and I) to go there every New Years' Eve, mainly to enjoy the 1/2 price things that they have on offer. My Dad used to carry me on his shoulders when I was younger and that was when in that little head of mine, I thought that I was the tallest and greatest person in the whole of Chinatown 'cuz I had a bird's eye view of everything and on top of that- FRESH AIR. I looked at those small kids who were smashed between gigantic and humongous sweating bodies and wondered to myself whether they had enough air to breath. Hmm.
It was fun though. When the clock struck 12, people went mad. Literally. And there were fireworks!!! Wonders of wonders. I dragged my Dad, hoping to see them. Too bad those tall tall buildings blocked everything and all that was left were just the cracking of the fireworks. So sad right? Bleah. And those stallholders were so funny. Especially the ones that were selling sweets. They started raining sweets on everybody and all the young kids with maids on tow had a fun time scrambling and scouring the floor.
Hmm. I've come to a conclusion that Chinese New Year = Festival for eating (courtesy to my friend's nick) = Hongbaos!!!
Eh, that's pretty much what is on all unmarried people and kids' minds huh? Haha...
On Friday, the girls and I went out to chill out. 'Twas so fun lah!!! It's been super long since we got together. Actually, it wasn't veeery long, but it seemed like eons ago. Fei, Jia, Melia and Jac, I love you all!!! Thanks Fei for that dedication at Suntec. Think the onlookers thought we were nuts when we yelled when our song was played. Oh wellz, haha! =D
Sad that Jia and Jac couldn't be there when the dedication was read out though. The song was "Love me" by Collin Raye. Earlier, we were wondering what song to dedicate, when at the snap of that moment, both Fei and I were like...
"Hmm..what song should we play?"
" Eh, that grandpa grandma song...what was that???"
"Oh oh..Collin Raye's 'Love me'!!!!!"
"A...yah!!! Omg! I love that song!"
And together we went, " Ahh!!!!" (and we started jumping like crazy)
Haha..
The song's so beautiful. Though it is an oldie. I love the song so so much. It carries a special meaning...Even now. At suntec, when we heard the song being played for us, I listened to the lyrics and thought of something special. Hmm... (^-^)
Oh well, Happy Chinese New Year to one and all!!!! Gong Xi Fa Cai!
It's the Doggie Year this lunar year, so, to all doggies on Earth and especially,
To my beloved doggies,
Toffee my naughty baby and Sparky my handsome darling:
Wuff Wuff!!!
Haha =)
-Yours truly ;
Thursday, January 26, 2006
I couldn't sleep. Though I slept at 4 cuz I was helping my mum make chinese new year stuffs, then after that, something for my best guy friend for his birthday, I was tossing and turning in bed after that . I tried not to think so much but I couldn't. In psycho-ing myself not to think, it is akin to convincing myself not to eat the food under my nose when my tummy is grumbling.
Ever since many long forgotten years, my memory of the past fades so quickly. Bad things that I did to others were forgotten by me, but, remembered and engraved by others in their memory...especially by my best friend Phae who was the ultimate victim of my wrath when we were kids. ( Wondered how we became best of friends then huh? Haha)
Just the same, bad things that happened, it's there..especially when for a long time, the mind is numbed to such things and made to be desensitized in a state of coma. But when something happens to trigger flashbacks, the whack comes hard and fast that it is just so impossible to dodge. I hate thinking back..I hate feeling how I felt..but I could not help it.
Wondered what you felt...wondered what you would feel...wondered how you thought...wondered how you would think..
A prayer I wrote, while waiting for James at St. Stephens suddenly came to mind:
Dear Father,
the mind, the body, the soul,
trying to live in connection,
learning to follow your direction.
You said to us,
"I am the Way, the Truth, the Life"
Like a rainbow made in one.
Such a beautiful sight,
wonderful next to none.
Teach us Abba,
the way
-Your light..
Then another poem struck me...
~Timeless Moments~
Time is too slow for those who wait,
too swift for those who fear,
too long for those who grieve,
too short for those who rejoice,
but,
for those who love,
time is eternity...
-Yours truly ;
Saturday, January 21, 2006
After yesterday's blood donation and all the giddiness, fussiness and whatever-ness there is which comes with the sudden loss of blood, I'm feeling better. Darn, I shouldn't have walked around the shopping malls like some superwoman and made myself so tired. Sorry Jac, yeah...I wasn't feeling too good. But I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to spoil your day. Well, I'm happy you got the bag you like though. Haha.. =)
Sigh...I'm happy. This week was great..
You know, I've never sat so still on a chair..awake yet not awake..worried yet relieved..anxious yet calmed. Quite contradictory huh? I don't know how I was feeling that monday. I was at the driving centre waiting for my friend to complete his driving test. When he came back, he said that he failed. My heart just sank. I couldn't believe it. Took his slip and read the results again. Then at the end of it, I saw that the tester ticked passed. Oh what the heck! That bugger pulled my leg lah! Bleah. (^-^)
Tuesday was spent with that horrible 'girl' who wrote all about pigs in that blog of his because I fell in love with the pigskin shoes. Yes sister, although I love the pigskin, I don't think it's worth it. And I thank you for being a perfect gentlewoman and not looking at my toes while I tried on shoes. Haha =P
Teaching catechism at St. Stephens' occupied wednesday. It was really fun teaching the kids. But they're so so naughty!!!! 11 year old kids can be terrors just like small little vampires ready to attack and suck your blood. Hmm..maybe all big guys go through this stage in life. I loved the primary 2 kids though. They were so obedient and attentive. Sigh...I feel like some big mama.
And thurs was great fun at KK Women's and Children's Hospital. I went for the briefing for volunteers and knew straight away what I wanted. I wanted to start training right away but I couldn't make it on the day itself. A few days ago, I was looking at the tiny ones who have just had a glimpse of the world in front of them. They're so small, so innocent and so cute. I saw this tiny one being wheeled in just minutes after delivery. And instinctively, my eyes trailed the tiny tot and I whispered a word of thanks to the Lord for bringing him into the world.
And!!! Thurs was when jac passed her driving theory test!!! You go girl..haha =D
-Yours truly ;
Monday, January 16, 2006
Sunday's reading on Daily Bread struck me...
It wrote,
A little boy got into a fight with his brother and the whole experience left him feeling bitter. When his brother wanted to make things right, he refused to listen. In fact, he would not speak to his brother all day.
Bedtime came, and his mother said to the boy, "Don't you think you should forgive your brother before you go to sleep? Remember, the Bible says, ' Do not let the sun go down on your wrath' " (Ephesians 4:26). The boy looked perplexed. He thought for a few moments and then blurted our, "But how can I keep the sun from going down?"
He reminds me of some Christians. They're angry at certain people and hold grudges. When they are confronted with their unforgiving attitude and urged to make things right, they sidestep the issue and refuse to heed the clear instruction of Scripture. True, we cannot change another person's heart, but we are responsible for our own attitude. The Bible says,"Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32).
No, we can't keep the sun from going down. But we can keep it from setting-on our anger. And that means we must forgive. =Richard De Haan
Anger, malice, and ill will
Can leave a stain of sorrow;
Ask forgiveness by His grace
Before it is tomorrow!
=Bosch=
For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness
...
How true this is. This reading made me reflect on daily trials faced in relationships and friendships. Is this why relationships break down and family units tear apart? Is this also why couples break up when faced with challenges? Is this why friendships turn sour??? True to cliche words, it is easier said than done.
Reading this over and over again, I thought of what someone once told me. Should something come along and cause a rift between you and your loved one, both parties must kneel and beg for forgiveness from God. All the more I am determined to live in faith, to forgive wrongs done to me by others when I am reminded of how I was forgiven time and again by Him. All the more I am determined to stay strong and firm like roots having a firm hold on good soil in all kinds of weather. All the more I am determined never to repeat past mistakes.
But it takes two hands to clap. Likewise, in all relationships, both parties have to have the same mindset. I pray only that this will be the case for everyone =)
-Yours truly ;
Thursday, January 12, 2006
My comp crashed again. *sigh* Well, at least it's working now =) It's been raining and raining and raining..I guess you can call it showers of blessings. I didn't think they were at first. At least not on sunday when the first day of continuous showers begun. I felt really upset the whole day. The whole day was filled with quarrels at home and just when I thought that everything was going to turn out fine, I received a message from my friends that Miss Devi passed away in the evening. Miss Devi was my literature teacher in KC. I cried myself to sleep that night. I missed her. I couldn't accept the fact that she was gone and that I would never see her ever again. Although I knew that during those years in KC, I wasn't an outstanding Lit student because Miss Devi always gave me marks that could barely scrape through, I remembered that during those times when I was about to give up on Lit, she stayed back with Jac and I and gave all the time that she had to tutor us. I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw my results for Lit 'O' levels. For the first time ever, I got an A1!!! From being someone who always can never graspe and understand the funny English of the long-gone William Shakespeare and see light from dark in modern short stories, I learnt how to read deeper and understand emotions better. I'll never forget that time when she told us to tell Mrs Lim that we were embracing the romantic darkness when we didn't switch on the lights. She said, "Girls..I bet you that when you tell Mrs Lim that, she'll say ,"For how long?" I didn't believe Mrs Lim would be so silly as to say that. But lo, when she came, she asked us what we were doing in the dark and someone said, "Oh, Mrs Lim! We are embracing the romantic darkness la" Then she asked us. "ohh..I see. Uh..for how long ah girls?" Wa...that was it. The whole class burst out laughing.
*sigh* those were the days...
Realised then that it's true that God has greater plans in Heaven than on Earth for Miss Devi is up there in heaven with God and his army of angels. Praise the Lord for his goodness!!!
Suddenly it dawned on me that anytime, we can be gone from this Earth and while we are still living and breathing, we must treasure our loved ones so that when it is time to leave, there will be no regrets. Often, it is said that when you are born, you are crying but the people around you are smiling. But may it be so that when it is time to go, the people around you are crying but you are smiling. Isn't that so true to what we desire to be so when the time comes?
My friend and I met the strange guy again the day before yesterday. This was the second time we met. Our meeting wasn't coincidental. It was planned. We wanted to see the man. But it was almost close to impossible that we would meet because the man would only turn up at the coffee shop during the wee hours of the morning. It was early then. Very early. But he was there. Boy were we surprised. He told us himself that usually he would come out of the house much later, but this time, for the first time, he came out early because he knew that somehow, he was going to meet us. He gave us this book.
The chapter I turned to when the man urged me to turn was on the Test of true love. The word of God wrote,
"My child, many an affection is mistaken for true love until it is put to the test. Only time and trials prove how genuine your love for Me is. Both the time and the trials are given to you in your daily life..."
The other chapter my friend turned to was on the Nature of Love. The word of God wrote,
"My child, love is the greatest virtue of any man. It makes him resemble Me most closely. Love brings many other virtues into the soul. It makes a man devoted, sincere, patient, loyal, long-suffering, courageous, sensitive, prudent, unselfish, pleasant and strong...
True love consists in wanting to give. It is a reasonable thing. It sees the worth of the loved one and seeks to please him."
How apt those chapters were. Especially when the last few days were one of the darkest days I was going through and I had many questions in my mind. Questions for God which He answered me as I read the paragraphs on the chosen chapter.
P.S. To this friend of mine, I'm sorry I accused you. I'm sorry I made you feel the way you feel. Sometimes, I don't know what is going, and I'm sorry if I haven't been sensitive. I don't know what else I can do to make amends, not when you tell me that our friendship is over =(
-Yours truly ;
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Came back just not too long ago from work. First day of work. Wow...never expected to meet such customers!!! *sigh* well, but it's just the first day. I guess the rest of the week will be better as each day passes by. Well, one thing to be joyful of is that Dr heng and the rest came over to visit me!!! Oh my goodness, you people were my lifesavers lah!!! Better still, my first order of the day!!! Haha! I was sad that I had to miss dinner last minute 'cuz I received news about the job training only the night before. I really really did not expect the whole lot of you to turn up. But lo!!! U all HAD to come and see me work!!! Boy did u all make my day! =)
[Sorry desmond, I seriously think you deserve the beating that I gave you =P ]
I was deep in thought this afternoon and last night. Don't you think that sometimes, God really works in such amazing ways? All the miracles that he has done...all the sacrifices that He has made and all the love that he has bestowed on each and every one of His children - us. How many of us, however, can truly and honestly admit His presence, His miracles and His love? Why is it that some people's hearts harden with the world's conflicts?? And it is not only to their close ones that they build barriers, but also to the One above. Questions are often asked...Answers are always given in return. Therein lies the part, how are we able to accept the answers to the questions we ask?? To those who believe, the answers are there. But to those who don't, the answers can never be present.
To people so in love with our Father, everyday, there are obstacles set along the path to challenge the faith that we so strongly believe in. Sometimes, we succeed and triumph in victory when we win the battle and stop the devil from doing anything to blind us from His glory. But more often than not, we do things of the other nature. Things that ultimately make us feel guilty...things that make us feel so remorseful...
I felt like that this afternoon. I didn't want to say the things I said. Neither did I want to feel guilty after saying it. But I was made to do so because I felt so trapped. I felt like a fly caught in a spider's web. No matter how hard I struggle to free myself, I can't..because I'm bound. Likewise, I'm bound to tell the truth but I can't say anything because if I do, I will hurt the one I'm trying so hard to protect. Then slowly and surely, the devil eats me silently when I'm made to feel so remorseful and so guilty with what I have done. I pray only that He will understand and forgive me =(
Then I thought about the night before. I was lying on my bed, thinking about what happened on Saturday. That day is one day I will never forget for the rest of my life. I've never felt so much pain and hurt from someone before and I did so that day during mass. The pain was so sudden. It came to me even without my knowledge of what was going through my friend's mind. It shocked me when I felt the sudden pain piercing through my heart. Felt like a thousand needles piercing right through my heart. I had no idea why I was feeling that way until after my friend and I said good bye. Only then did I know why I felt the pain when he messaged me. By then, it was too late to do anything. I felt so down then...Was staring out at the car window feeling so cold and having waves of hurt and sadness felt by him rushing through me. At the same time, tears were coming down upon my cheeks like rain. I wished then that I could take away all the pain. I wish I could..if only..
P.S. This song is my favourite. And this song is for you just as you said it was for me.. (^-^)
Still- Words and Music By Reuben Morgan
Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
Within your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still
Know you are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still
Know you are God
P.P.S. I met up with Mer this afternoon. Thank you Mer, thank you for the big BIG present!!! Goodness, you must have spent many many hours and maybe even days to do it. You're nuts...you're nuts!!!! *hugz*
I know that when we were talking, God was there with us. He IS with us every day, every minute and every second!!! Happy I am that you are stronger in faith... and what drew you near to Him is because of what He has done through the people close to you. You've brought sunshine to many of my cloudy days throughout the years that we've been together, and I am only so thankful and greatful that I have you. Trust in the Lord for He will work wonders for you!!!
-Yours truly ;
