Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Came back just not too long ago from work. First day of work. Wow...never expected to meet such customers!!! *sigh* well, but it's just the first day. I guess the rest of the week will be better as each day passes by. Well, one thing to be joyful of is that Dr heng and the rest came over to visit me!!! Oh my goodness, you people were my lifesavers lah!!! Better still, my first order of the day!!! Haha! I was sad that I had to miss dinner last minute 'cuz I received news about the job training only the night before. I really really did not expect the whole lot of you to turn up. But lo!!! U all HAD to come and see me work!!! Boy did u all make my day! =)
[Sorry desmond, I seriously think you deserve the beating that I gave you =P ]
I was deep in thought this afternoon and last night. Don't you think that sometimes, God really works in such amazing ways? All the miracles that he has done...all the sacrifices that He has made and all the love that he has bestowed on each and every one of His children - us. How many of us, however, can truly and honestly admit His presence, His miracles and His love? Why is it that some people's hearts harden with the world's conflicts?? And it is not only to their close ones that they build barriers, but also to the One above. Questions are often asked...Answers are always given in return. Therein lies the part, how are we able to accept the answers to the questions we ask?? To those who believe, the answers are there. But to those who don't, the answers can never be present.
To people so in love with our Father, everyday, there are obstacles set along the path to challenge the faith that we so strongly believe in. Sometimes, we succeed and triumph in victory when we win the battle and stop the devil from doing anything to blind us from His glory. But more often than not, we do things of the other nature. Things that ultimately make us feel guilty...things that make us feel so remorseful...
I felt like that this afternoon. I didn't want to say the things I said. Neither did I want to feel guilty after saying it. But I was made to do so because I felt so trapped. I felt like a fly caught in a spider's web. No matter how hard I struggle to free myself, I can't..because I'm bound. Likewise, I'm bound to tell the truth but I can't say anything because if I do, I will hurt the one I'm trying so hard to protect. Then slowly and surely, the devil eats me silently when I'm made to feel so remorseful and so guilty with what I have done. I pray only that He will understand and forgive me =(
Then I thought about the night before. I was lying on my bed, thinking about what happened on Saturday. That day is one day I will never forget for the rest of my life. I've never felt so much pain and hurt from someone before and I did so that day during mass. The pain was so sudden. It came to me even without my knowledge of what was going through my friend's mind. It shocked me when I felt the sudden pain piercing through my heart. Felt like a thousand needles piercing right through my heart. I had no idea why I was feeling that way until after my friend and I said good bye. Only then did I know why I felt the pain when he messaged me. By then, it was too late to do anything. I felt so down then...Was staring out at the car window feeling so cold and having waves of hurt and sadness felt by him rushing through me. At the same time, tears were coming down upon my cheeks like rain. I wished then that I could take away all the pain. I wish I could..if only..
P.S. This song is my favourite. And this song is for you just as you said it was for me.. (^-^)
Still- Words and Music By Reuben Morgan
Hide me now
Under your wings
Cover me
Within your mighty hand
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still
Know you are God
Find rest my soul
In Christ alone
Know His power
In quietness and trust
When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are King over the flood
I will be still
Know you are God
P.P.S. I met up with Mer this afternoon. Thank you Mer, thank you for the big BIG present!!! Goodness, you must have spent many many hours and maybe even days to do it. You're nuts...you're nuts!!!! *hugz*
I know that when we were talking, God was there with us. He IS with us every day, every minute and every second!!! Happy I am that you are stronger in faith... and what drew you near to Him is because of what He has done through the people close to you. You've brought sunshine to many of my cloudy days throughout the years that we've been together, and I am only so thankful and greatful that I have you. Trust in the Lord for He will work wonders for you!!!
-Yours truly ;
