I couldn't sleep. Though I slept at 4 cuz I was helping my mum make chinese new year stuffs, then after that, something for my best guy friend for his birthday, I was tossing and turning in bed after that . I tried not to think so much but I couldn't. In psycho-ing myself not to think, it is akin to convincing myself not to eat the food under my nose when my tummy is grumbling.
Ever since many long forgotten years, my memory of the past fades so quickly. Bad things that I did to others were forgotten by me, but, remembered and engraved by others in their memory...especially by my best friend Phae who was the ultimate victim of my wrath when we were kids. ( Wondered how we became best of friends then huh? Haha)
Just the same, bad things that happened, it's there..especially when for a long time, the mind is numbed to such things and made to be desensitized in a state of coma. But when something happens to trigger flashbacks, the whack comes hard and fast that it is just so impossible to dodge. I hate thinking back..I hate feeling how I felt..but I could not help it.
Wondered what you felt...wondered what you would feel...wondered how you thought...wondered how you would think..
A prayer I wrote, while waiting for James at St. Stephens suddenly came to mind:
Dear Father,
the mind, the body, the soul,
trying to live in connection,
learning to follow your direction.
You said to us,
"I am the Way, the Truth, the Life"
Like a rainbow made in one.
Such a beautiful sight,
wonderful next to none.
Teach us Abba,
the way
-Your light..
Then another poem struck me...
~Timeless Moments~
Time is too slow for those who wait,
too swift for those who fear,
too long for those who grieve,
too short for those who rejoice,
but,
for those who love,
time is eternity...
