With the Holy Spirit

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

I just came back from running. I've never gone running for so long already. Was suppose to go running with Jac in the morning at 7 but both of us couldn't wake. Looked out of my window at 2p.m and saw how great the weather was. Sunny..but windy. Perfect.

Earlier in the morning, I was having a headache. I was looking at the courses that NUS and NTU had to offer. Medicine, Dentistry, Pharmacy, Psychology, Biomedical Engineering, Computational Biology, Biological Chemistry...I know I have to choose my course soon. Unlike choosing schools after PSLE and 'O' levels, this is much much worse 'cuz I'm choosing something that might most likely determine my future. The unexpected-ness of everything scared me. The sudden nervousness first came when Jimmy and I met up and he was rattling on and on about medicine in the Australian Unis and telling me when the results will be released. Dear boy, I was in jitters. Thankfully I'm more sane now. Thanks to my cousins Eric and Melvin as well as to silly Kel for reassuring me and praying for me.

Talked to Esther this morning when she messaged me last night to tell me that she got accepted into University of Sydney and will be leaving soon in mid Feb. I was so happy for her. To get a place in uni and guaranteed a place based on predicted grades is not easy. When we talked, I realised then that I felt so lost. No sense of direction. Not in, not out. Almost everybody's thinking of going overseas and have even applied for it already. Jimmy, Eeleen, Jac, Terri...among the many that I know. Wondered whether I was dumb enough not to submit my predicted grades to guarantee a place in one of the elite Australian Unis =( At the same time, I was thinking a lot about the financial burden that will be on my parents' shoulders and that was what stopped me. Most of all, I thought about the people that I had to leave behind. I guess that is always in everybody's mind. Even when I talked to Esther, she wasn't really ecstatic and happy that she was leaving -bittersweet.

As I ran, I had a lot going through my mind. I wasn't only pushed physically 'cuz my legs were aching like mad from many many weeks of laziness, but also mentally. If I really want to study what I've always wanted to and if I am given the opportunity to, but at the same time, I have to leave behind all my loved ones...what would I do? The answer's so simple. Yet, I was being pulled back. What if I had to leave someone special behind?

The answer was already there...
If it is meant to be, it'll always be there for you no matter what happens.
For this. I have Father Aloy to thank...

" To have faith is to be sure of the things we hope for, to be certain of the things we cannot see."
=Hebrews 11=

Then only did the gentle whisper that came to me when I was at the playground tell me...
"Do not be afraid.."

Greater things He has in store for me, come what may, this I must believe. Thank u dear...(^-^)

-Yours truly ;