With the Holy Spirit

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Reading the words...looking at the images...all spelt out so clear, feeling wistful and sad. I have an exam on Tuesday, but despite what Phae's been telling me to do, I can't help but look, and read, and because of it, I feel troubled. He's still living in the past...blaming the situation of it all and I wish only he will forgive himself. Holding no grudges against him, despite my criticism to his approach in life, I do care for him...but he takes it in another way.

I hadn't realised that even after so many years, he still looks out for me, thinking always how my situation is like, what my life is like without him. Still holding on to the hope that we can be as we were...and wishing life will be like how he and I used to dream it to be.

Mixed emotions. I mulled over the words of how blissful that life he wishes to have. And I wish only that I can tell him that I AM who I am right now, only by the grace of God. A fulfilling life that I strive to live for, so can he, is only when we have a mission to accomplish and a purpose in life - to reach out to others and to love those around.

I have no idea how to put it to u guys, even though time and again, you all tell me to leave him alone and let him live the life that he's living, leave him in the pit cuz he doesn't need my help, much less wants it. But even so, I think about things, and I realise that you cannot judge things by the way things happened cuz there are reasons behind it.

I pray that he will know God...that someone will come into his life and touch the depths of his heart and lift him out of the shroud of darkness and shield that he hides himself in =(

I wish you were here Jimmy...you knew what went on. I wish I can tell u know what is going on, what I mean...how I am...I wish you weren't so far away...
I know that if you were here, you will talk to him...if you were here, you will just be there for me...
I probably won't feel as shit as I feel right now.

I've lost it...

I don't think anyone can understand exactly how I feel.
Ever.

-Yours truly ;