With the Holy Spirit

Monday, August 06, 2007

It's my 100th post since I first started blogging! Waa!!!

Why in the world did I keep blogging? I never could find the motivation to keep writing in a blog, as I would in my personal diary. But I realised unknowingly that I have indeed the motivation to write! Simply cuz I wanted not only to reach out to all my friends who are overseas and have 'em updated somewhat about me, as I am updated by them, but more than that, to let this be a blog to bear testimony since the day I said yes to the Lord.

It's not a life of endless wonders and beauties that my life will have. Realised that some of my posts reflected the feelings that I have had at that point in time in my life. Perhaps not fully as there is only so much that can be revealed. And it also reflected my ideas and perspectives of things, but also not fully cuz you people will probably squint so much and give up reading halfway. Heh.

Writing, I realised how much "torture" I had to go through over the years, as a friend of mine often laments, that my blog can sometimes be pretty depressing. Heh. A, there is joy too you know!
But at the same time, when there are tortures, strangely, there are also people whom God has plopped along the way to help me in my spiritual journey.

When earlier, politics in church had pushed me to the point of 'no return' when I finally said,
"I'm so tired, I just want to be normal".
It had hit me that, then, I was so tempted to leave the church and just abandon everything that had been given to me by God. I was close to disowning God.
But as always, God always came to my rescue despite how ungrateful I was. And He brought me back to His love.
It's as if I had a fight in a relationship, but I cannot bear to leave this God I love so much, simply because love is not a feeling. It is a conviction. As much as I try to deny it, I can never ever deny the fact that God loves me.

I found myself back again. I knew this time I was, 101% normal. Not THAT kind of normal that I had wanted to be earlier. But this time, it is knowing that I am normal simply because of my identity in Christ.

Thank you, my dearest brother, beloved son of our Father, and my dearest one. If not for you, and your yes to God to be His instrument for Him to work through you, as well as your fervent prayers and your endless encouragement, amidst making me laugh and see light as I struggled in the "torture", standing by me to fight this battle with me as my comrade, I would still have remained in the darkest of pits. I thank God for you everyday..and I thank God for allowing you to plop into my life in such an unexpecting way. Thank you most of all, Holy Spirit, for guiding us always, forever and through eternity.

Papa, I love you.

-Yours truly ;