It's been a long long time since I last wrote.
Perhaps it's because I been in a "C'est la vie" mood...and do not find anything interesting to say, that I've stopped for a while to just be by myself in isolation.
It is now also, that I write about how I feel, and what my challenges have been.
Long distance relationships are huge and they are painful sometimes. If anyone ever told you that it is not a problem, they must be :
a) Single
b) Married but divorced and then remarried
c) Lying to themselves and to others
These few days bring me back to a little girl, when I used to throw tantrums and cry at my "auntie"'s bedside, wailing and crying and whining for one whole night until she answered me, or I fell into a stupor of drowsiness and fall asleep on the floor beside her bed. The difference is, I'm a grown girl now, and thowing bigger tantrums.
Insensitivity and feigned ignorance, specked with crude and coarse words from the OTHER person only serves to provide me more anger, frustration and hate.
Does anyone know why long distance relationships usually end up in shatters, bits and pieces???
There are many stages to it.
Stage 1: Feeling a sense of loss
Stage 2: Misunderstandings
Stage 3: Lack and loss in communication (TV shows/studying become more important than the person on the other line) leads to
Stage 4: Catfights
Stage 5: Distancing
Stage 6: Increasing loss of openness
Stage 7: Unforgiveness
Stage 8: Unfamiliarity of each other (The end)
From 2 become one, one becomes 2, forming 2 isolated strangers who THINK they are working towards each other's "good", to not realizing that what they are actually doing is only "good" for THEMselves aka selfishness and self-centredness.
It's like being in love with the notion of love, than really being in love.
Sometimes, it's true when people say:
Out of sight, out of mind, out of context = Out of one's life.
But it depends on how much effort one is willing to put in.
2 years ago, at the conference of Theology of the Body, Christopher West whispered to me that I should open myself to be loved by the man that God has chosen for me. In all earnesty, that is the HARDEST thing I, much less any woman can ever do. Who is so stupid to leave oneself vulnerable? Can you imagine if this receiver of your vulnerability happened to be a wolf in sheepskin? It's frightening, it's scary, it's unimaginable. So the first step is to find out who in the world God has chosen for me. I'm still on my mission to do so.
Pondering about Love - Visitor's Poem
by Jenara
(Riyadh, Kingdom of Saudi Arabia)
Love is more than just a word
More than something felt or something heard
More than what you see or what you give
Or sometimes the urge for you to live
It has a teary end, and a confusing start
Some say it can only be expressed by heart
Though sometimes, you can never really tell
Love is like heaven but hurts like hell
There are ups, there are downs
There are smiles, there are frowns
It's like a rope with so many twists
Charm bracelets on the lovers' wrists
Even so, we also get tired of that word
Everytime it's said, everytime it's heard
Always, "Love is..." or "Love is like..."
It hurts our heart within a strike
Yes, it has that impact
On the other hand there is a fact
We get tired of hearing 'love', that's true
But we never hesitate to hear the words "I love you"
